Coping with rejection
Insights from my experience of job hunting and book pitching throughout my career
Being on the receiving end of rejection is never easy. I haven’t met a single person who feels happy or even comfortable when they’ve been rejected. But here’s the thing: rejection is part of life, and we inevitably experience it in different aspects and to varying degrees – in our romantic relationships, at work, and even in friendship groups.
With over twenty years of experience in marketing, strategy, and content, and two traditionally published novels, I’ve inevitably had to cope with multiple rejections. Looking back, career changes have always been positive for me in the end, but when you’re in the middle of the process, without knowing how things will turn out, it can be daunting and disheartening. Job hunting is exhausting for many reasons, and coping with multiple rejections is one of them.
The same goes for submitting your book manuscript to literary agents. With my previous two books, things happened slightly differently for me, and my novels got snapped by the publishers directly: the first one won a competition, and the second one was pitched as an unsolicited submission (i.e., without an agent) directly to the publisher. I recently started pitching my third novel to agents, and while I have already received several requests for the full manuscript (which is usually a good sign, albeit no guarantee that an offer will follow soon), inevitably there have been several rejections already.
In both cases – looking for a new job and pitching a novel – after a certain period, you naturally start to doubt yourself, and unhelpful thoughts begin to emerge: “I’m not good enough,” “No one will offer me representation,” “Others are better than me.”
Slowly, the fear of rejection becomes so palpable, that it becomes internalised. But the most valuable lesson I’ve learned so far is this: while rejection feels personal, it’s good to remember that when it comes to jobs or manuscripts, multiple factors are involved in the decision. It’s your application or submission that’s been rejected, not you. Don’t take it personally. Instead, develop a growth mindset that helps you understand rejection is a normal part of the process.
I’ve realised that there are many parallels and similarities between the mechanisms I’ve developed to help me cope better with rejection, both in job hunting and writing submissions.
Here is what else I’ve learned:
1. Prepare yourself for the long haul
Sometimes, you might be one of the lucky ones to find a new job or get an offer of representation within a few weeks. But more often, it’s likely to take much longer – months, and in the case of book pitching, sometimes even a year or more. Having realistic expectations is helpful. Before you jump into the process, you need to get yourself in the right mindset and prepare for what’s to come.
Job hunting:
A new role is usually advertised for a couple of weeks or more. Then, there’s at least a week when applications are reviewed and a handful of candidates are shortlisted. If you’ve been successful so far, you’ll receive a first interview invite for the following week, and if you progress further, there will likely be another round (or more) of interviews in the subsequent weeks. This already amounts to 5-6 weeks at a minimum for one job application. As you’re likely applying for several jobs a week, many of your applications will be rejected. It’s tough, but remember: you don’t need all your applications to be successful; you only need one job – the one that’s right for you.Book pitching:
The process can be much longer and more discouraging. On average, agents take 8-12 weeks to review submissions, and they often don’t have the capacity to respond to those who aren’t successful, leaving you hoping and praying they’ll get back to you for months. I usually submit to agents in batches of 10-15 submissions at a time, then I wait three months before submitting to the next batch. If I’ve received a request for the full manuscript, I wait another 8-12 weeks before politely following up if I haven’t received a definite response. Many writers submit to a much larger number of agents at once, but I prefer to be selective, researching agents carefully to find those I genuinely believe would be the right fit for my novel. The same reminder applies: you only need one great agent to believe in your work and want to champion it.
2. Remain focused but don’t forget to look after yourself
You don’t want to experience burnout during the process of job hunting or pitching your novel. After all, imagine how much energy you’ll need to settle into your new job or work with an editor to prepare your book for publishing once you receive that dream offer. Set a clear plan for the days and hours you’ll dedicate to the application and submission process, and stick to it.
Job hunting:
I dedicate 2-3 days to scrolling through job boards. I create a dashboard with job search criteria and bookmark sites for easy access to optimize the process. I also set email alerts with refined job criteria, limited to once a week, to avoid distractions from daily notifications. The rest of the week, I focus on recovery and recharging. I sign up for art workshops, meet friends I haven’t seen in a while, write in cafes, go for walks, listen to podcasts, commit to personal development activities, mentor others, and spend time with family. You can choose whatever brings you joy and fulfilment.Book pitching:
Having clear timelines and plans helps you stay on track without letting the process consume you. I plan when to send pitches and list unpublished novel competitions as an alternative route. I also consider pitching directly to small but reputable indie publishers. A structured plan keeps me from overthinking.
3. Acknowledge your emotions
Feeling sad, angry, or disappointed is normal. Acknowledge those feelings, sit with them for a few moments, even if it’s uncomfortable, but then “lock” them in an imaginary worry box and move on. Alternatively, create an action plan based on those feelings. For instance, when I feel disappointed about an interview, I take three steps:
Ask for feedback: Compare how I came across during the interview versus my perception. In book submissions, agents only provide feedback if they’ve read your full manuscript, so don’t feel embarrassed to ask for that feedback and really use it to improve your writing, especially if the same feedback has come from a few agents.
“Disappointed, and…” exercise: Pair disappointment with another emotion, such as “disappointed and embarrassed” (e.g., if I didn’t provide the right career example). This helps me plan actions, like preparing better examples for similar questions in the future.
Expand your network: Even if I didn’t get the job, being shortlisted shows I impressed the interview panel. There might be future opportunities in their team, or they might move to other organisations. I connect on LinkedIn, request coffee chats, and stay in touch. Knowing agents beyond just representation is helpful, too, as they often post about events and festivals, which you can visit too, be part of a community and expand your networks.
Coping with rejection is not an easy process and trust me, I know the feeling. Hope this has been helpful, and please take good care of yourself during these moments in life.
I’d love you to share any other lessons and insights from your experience – after all, we’re all in this together.
Coping with rejection, preparing your book for submission and learning marketing and collaboration skills are just some of the things I can help you with as a creative writing mentor. If you want to explore the opportunity, feel free to request a free discovery call.
Until next time,
Nataliya x